so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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