my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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