spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
