You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
