Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
