I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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