all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
