failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
