she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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