my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
