No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He shit in the fireplace
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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