Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
