I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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