Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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