she looked like the bat from fern gully.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
