He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
