the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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