So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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