Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
