she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just forgot I was standing up.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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