bring money and cleavage
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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