"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm just crazy horny about you
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize