There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
