I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
