the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
