Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
