I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Randomize
