no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
