literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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