He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
