You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize