I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
