The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
