Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
