Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
