no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
love makes seman taste better
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
