im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
