I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
