The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
