wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
