Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
