i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
there was a trapeze. enough said
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
