so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
this will be a night to untag.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
