I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
