her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
