Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
