Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
