My friends, they love my intelligence
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
