That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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