I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
