Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
