she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
