Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Randomize
