Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He felt like a one man threesome
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
