I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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