dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
