You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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