Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
