everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
