I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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