I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
