And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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