ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
