thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
