if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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