tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My hand turned me down
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
